is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Blood and glitter go together right?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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