Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
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She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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