Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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