she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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