I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
