i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
