She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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