Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
