At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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