I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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