He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
