marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
