I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is Oprah even human
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
