your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
