i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
