I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
