I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
