I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
