I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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