Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
