Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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