dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
