My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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