I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
