Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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