Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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