White coat. Heels.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
