Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
