One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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