So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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