Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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