She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
