I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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