You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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