Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
