I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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