And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
