I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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