I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
