she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry my hands just texted you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
