Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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