just come out here and I will go home with you...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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