if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
