"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
