Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
