The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
