I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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