we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i already hear my dad disowning me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
