so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
