I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I had to cum in my sink.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
