Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
