I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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