Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
