You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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