dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
