I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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