I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
