You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
