Do you still have your period?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
