I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
