Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
