I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
