I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
