just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
