My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
